Out of the worst circumstances comes the greatest JOY

We had Arayla for not even 24 hours and our busiest day yet was upon us. We knew this would be a difficult day. We knew what we would face. No way to avoid long hours on the road in a cramped van. We dreaded it. There were 5 items on our agenda. Now we know God had a few other things on His.

We started early, had to rush through breakfast and leave the hotel before 8 AM. We were already on edge a little bit, not knowing how Arayla would do in the van for such a long time. First stop would be the Civil Affairs office to sign the final documents and receive our adoption certificate. After that we are officially Arayla's Mom and Dad.

She wants to walk everywhere we go, and who can resist this smile? But don't make her stop walking before she's ready to stop or you will catch her wrath.

Every few steps she will look up and grin. It is so precious!

Our first dance? I'll take it.

Civil Affairs Official handed us Arayla's final adoption certificate.

Next stop was the bank across the street to wire the orphanage donation. Once we got into the bank Arayla wanted to walk some more. Keyanna went with Emma the guide and a bank person to wire the money while I stayed in the lobby with Arayla, just walking. This was a quick stop and we were making good time. I was pleased to be making progress. Arayla even did her first  number 2 with us, squatted right there in the bank lobby. We were able to go directly across the street where our van was parked and change her diaper and throw it in the trash. She even pooped at a perfect time! Everything was going according to plan. Our plan.

Next stop was the Notary office on the other side of the city. We arrived surprisingly fast though, and we were done there within about 15 minutes. All Chinese documents were signed, stamped and sealed! We left the Notary office a full hour ahead of our schedule. Now it was time for the big one, the drive to Sanmenxia city. It was supposed to be a 3.5 hour drive. We did a fast stop at McDonalds for what was supposed to be lunch. It ended up being late 2nd breakfast because we were so early they weren't serving lunch yet. But of course we were happy because the circumstances were working out in our favor. Onward we go!

The van ride started out a little bumpy, literally, due to the road conditions. It took us almost an hour just to get out of Zhengzhou, but everyone was in a good mood and so far we were ahead of schedule. The traffic was really heavy now, and seemingly getting worse everywhere we went. There is construction going on all over the city. Old buildings in rubble. New buildings going up. Road repairs and detours are very common. The roads in this part of China are mostly in bad condition, which makes for many unavoidable, really jarring, teeth-clenching bumps.

This is still inside the city of Zhengzhou.

Another view of the traffic

It's usually 3 lanes in both directions, bumper to bumper, although Chinese drivers don't really pay attention to lane markings. It's a free for all and you have to be calmly aggressive to survive. Just the way it is.

Demolished building making way for new construction.

You have to contend with thousands of scooters right in there with all the trucks and cars.

Arayla's happy. Can you believe this girl is so full of joy?

Finally leaving Zhengzhou.

Much better traffic. Road is still bad though. Lots of rough spots and bumps. 

Finally outside Zhengzhou, we got on the freeway and started cruising along. We got 1.5 hours into the trip, and at Arayla's nap time she let me hold her in my lap. She was so happy and calm. She stretched out in the seat and laid her head on my leg and went to sleep. It was one of those moments I will always treasure. When we adopted Nathanael he did not let me hold him in China, at all. God has allowed me to experience immediate bonding with Arayla. I am so grateful. This was clearly one of the things on God's agenda for me today. He gave me this gift in the middle of what I thought was a hard circumstance. He wasn't finished yet. More blessings would come this day, though the circumstances would worsen.

I don't know how this can happen... but God.

Best pic I could get of my precious angel sleeping. It would have been a better pic with my left hand, but she was hugging my left hand and I wasn't about to pull it away.

While Arayla slept we were over 2 hours into the trip and I'm thinking she naps for an hour and we'll be almost there by the time she wakes. Didn't happen that way. She did sleep almost an hour, but then we hit the worst traffic jam of my entire life. We had to stop completely, with no idea what was going on or how long we would wait. People were getting out of their cars everywhere along the freeway. It had become a parking lot with no way out. Time for item #2 on God's agenda.

You can see the men out of their cars walking along the shoulder.

Should we go out there, Mama? I'm ready.

We joined them for some fresh air.

Maybe the air wasn't so fresh. Truckload of pigs nearby.

We would sit in this traffic, mostly stopped completely with engine shut off, for almost 3 hours. The worst part was at this point we were less than half an hour away from our destination. There was no other way. We had to sit. The police station where we were headed to apply for Arayla's passport was only supposed to stay open until 4:30 PM. We (mostly me) started to get a little aggravated and annoyed with the situation. But God wanted us to trust Him once again. Our guide was able to call ahead to the police station and they told us they would stay open and wait for us. That was a huge relief because we were preparing to sleep in the orphanage, in the van, or wherever we needed to in order to avoid making this same trip again. The most shocking and amazing thing about it was Arayla. Is she an angel, I mean, literally an angel?! Because she is constanly showing us the Father. In the middle of a depressing situation, she was happy! There were times when she got bored and a little fussy, but for the most part she was full of joy and actually laughing. Again, God showing us, "Don't worry. Out of the worst, I'll give you my best." One of the things God showed me this day and has been showing me throughout this adoption is just let Him be God. There is nothing more freeing that letting God be God and reveling in the fact that I don't have to be.

At one point she lay in the floor and started just looking at us and smiling.

Who is this child? An angel?

She is actually laughing, a messenger of pure JOY.

Then THIS happened...

How you doing back there Daddy? Watch me and learn. I'll show you the way to see joy in the middle of suffering. You watching?

Finally we got a little movement and a piece of creative driving that would inspire some action movie scene. I mean we were weaving and shooting through spaces I didn't think we could possibly squeeze. It was actually a thrill. Past two oversized trailer trucks, on the shoulder, inches from a guardrail, we made the final push and we got through!! We got out in the open road and started cruising, past the accident on the side of the road. Good thing Chinese drivers don't wreck often because apparently the world must shut down completely when it happens. Just after we made it through a police man walked over and blocked the next vehicle!! But we knew the delay was not for any other reason but God.

This is the hole we squeezed through.

After 6.5 hours on the road we made it to Sanmenxia city, Arayla's hometown. One funny thing was we had not been to the bathroom since we left Zhengzhou. Although we had seen a lot of Chinese men going on the side of the highway during the traffic jam, I didn't get brave enough to try it. (I get stared at enough in China without drawing additional attention to myself.) When we were entering Sanmenxia our guide Emma was telling us about tourism there along the bank of the Yellow river, one of the 2 major rivers in China. I said we better get to a bathroom or there's going to be a yellow river in this van. (Don't hate. Emma laughed.) We finished up with the passport (and other business) at the police station in under 30 minutes.

Entering Sanmenxia City, it's already after 5 PM and we have a long journey home ahead of us after the orphanage visit.

Some pics of Sanmenxia

I admit, not very impressive.

Emma said this horse was China symbol for tourism.

This is the police station. We stopped at the orphanage first and a couple of ladies from the orphanage came along. All the orphanage ladies were SUPER nice. 

Lady from the orphanage gave us supper. Emma said it is pancake and meat. Pork, onions, garlic and green bell peppers.  Basically a big Chinese bar-b-que sandwich. It was very warm and tasty. I happily ate the whole thing.

The Holy Grail...Police station of Sanmenxia. 

Happy family photo opp in front of police station. 

Now, after almost all our energy is gone we have come to the hardest part of the trip, the orphanage visit. I'm handing off to Keyanna now to write about this.

But first a few pics of the orphanage...

Front gate of the orphanage, Sanmenxia Social Welfare Institue

Playground

Arayla's best friend QiQi! His bed was right beside hers.

Their play area. Heartbreaking to see babies just lying there craving interaction.

This sweet baby smiled at me every time I said Hi!

The children rotated from bed to this small area to feeding and back to bed. Most of their time is spent without one-on-one attention.

Thirty beds and only 1 or 2 caregivers at a time. 

Her nanny wanted to feed her one last time. This was her chair.

  Arayla is looking for her Mommy and Daddy. (more on this below)

I will more than likely cry through this post. This was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. This picture shows me holding her while she falls asleep in my arms for the first time. It was taken on the ride home and I will cherish this moment forever. She had been holding my face with her hand and smiling at me while I sobbed for the pain I had just witnessed. 

The first thing we saw as we stepped out of the van was a beautiful playground. We both immediately thought Zethan, Trynna, and Nathanael would love to play on this cool playground. But Arayla rarely left her room or went outside so she never experienced the playground. When we walked into the orphanage, we were told that they were taking us upstairs to Arayla's old room. The orphanage ladies and director were so nice to us. They answered any questions we had and allowed us to take pictures. Arayla's therapist was not there because it was so late. Arayla loved her therapist. She calls her name every once in a while. As soon as we went in the room I saw all these babies strapped in chairs, some on the ground and some in high chairs. Then I saw all the other babies in the beds. The nanny told me which bed was Arayla's. I noticed they had already moved another baby into Arayla's old bed. They have tags on the beds with the child's name and picture. It is so sad. All these sweet little innocent babies trying to find a way to comfort and soothe themselves. Very few cried. Most of them just stared blankly out into space. The bed right beside hers was where QiQi (pronounced Chee Chee) Arayla's best friend slept. He looked so sweet sleeping there all bundled  up. I asked if he was healthy and they said no he had heart defect. He already had one surgery and needed one more surgery. His color was good and his lips were not blue. So he looked really healthy. I could imagine as I stood there Arayla playing with Chee Chee through the bed railings. 

At this time, Troy is holding Arayla and I am taking pictures and visiting with all the babies who long for the attention, touch, and affection of a mother and father. I know the nannies are doing the best they can for all 30 babies in this room with various special needs. Emma told me that there is normally one or two nannies. That is 2 nannies at most caring for 30 babies with special needs. These ladies obviously love the babies and do the best they know how for these orphans, but it is not nearly enough. While I am talking to this little baby, Troy comes over to me and says, "I can't take this anymore and we have to get out of here." I think he was just so overcome with emotion seeing so many orphans in one room. I said, "Where is Arayla?" He said, "I didn't want to put her down, but they all convinced me to let the nanny feed her." I started panicking and moved quickly to her side. Arayla was looking away and tears were just falling from her eyes. The nanny tried to explain to me that Arayla got mad because wanted to feed herself. But I had never seen her cry like this. She is always so JOYFUL! I had only seen her fuss at us for not doing what she wants us to do. But never real heartbroken tears... She was just holding the spoon, looking into space in the opposite direction, steady tears falling from her eyes. I said, "Arayla, Arayla" and I touched her. She did not respond. She just kept staring in the opposite direction at nothing. I had been holding it together until this moment. I could no longer hold back the tears. I began to cry. I looked at Emma and said please tell the nanny, "Arayla is not hungry. I am getting her out." Emma said, "ok, it's ok." Trying to reassure me. But there Arayla was in her old room, in her old chair, with her old nanny feeding her. She was hearing all the old sounds and seeing everything the way it used to be, with neither Troy nor me in sight. I know in my heart Arayla thought that we had brought her back to the orphanage to leave her. When I was holding her in my arms again she immediately looked at me and smiled. Then she wanted to find Troy, and she wanted to walk around the room again while holding my hands. Before we left for the night, Arayla went over to her friend Chee Chee's bed and we told him goodbye.

I held Arayla all the way out and promised her I would never leave her again. The closer we got to the van the more the tears began to pour. Troy felt it too. We got a glimpse into the pain of an orphan, the desperate feeling when hope is almost completely gone. Troy just held my hand as I sobbed. In moments like this we see the mess of life...BUT God. He quietly says, "I'll meet the mess with my mercy, and I want to use you right here for my purpose." In that moment Troy and I saw so clearly that this was what breaks God's heart. This is why we are called. When we came face to face with the Arayla's desperation, her rescue was that much more profound. In that moment we felt that the two of us were so small up against this much pain, but God is bigger than it all. He is accomplishing a small part of his purpose through us. It was incredibly heartbreaking and humbling. As we drove out of the city Arayla looked up at me with her beautiful smile and stroked my face over and over as if to say, "I know, Mommy, you will never leave me."